Is it a million degrees outside right now? Yes. Is it September? Yes. Am I over the summer? Absolutely. Once that Labor Day long weekend has passed, I have no more interest in summer. It’s over. Now that heat that I once adored is simply annoying and bothersome. Here’s why we should be thankful that summer is over in Connecticut…
1. Under boob sweat.
No guy finds it remotely sexy when us ladies rock our crop tops… and then beads of sweat form under our boobs. Well, some gross guys might find it hot- but for the most part… probably not.
2. The perverts at Hammonasset Beach that keep installing cameras in the women’s bathroom won’t get any more action.
Empty bathrooms mean they can stare endlessly at vacant shower stalls… pervs.
3. Lyme disease threats are lowered.
Connecticut has a reputation of being the home of Lyme… so we can finally kill off those little blood suckers with the cold. Die little bugs. Die.
4. The streets of our major cities like New Haven, Bridgeport, and New Haven smell like dog crap thanks to the garbage piled up outside on the curbs.
When that hot sun finally eases up, we’ll be able to walk down the street again and not worry that we’re going to die from the stench of chicken bones and used tampons.
5. It’s okay to be antisocial again.
In the summer there’s this expectation that people should be “outside” enjoying the weather- but the truth is that we all just want to be on the couch, playing on the Internet, and watching the return of our favorite Fall shows. We never have to leave the house again!… well, at least not until April.
6. I can stop making up excuses why I don’t want to go camping at some random town I’ve never heard of like Prospect or Lebanon.
I don’t want to sleep outside ever. I don’t want to be rustic and I sure as hell don’t want to “try to catch our dinner!”- No. I don’t fish. I don’t sleep in a tent. I don’t pee in the woods. But you can know none of that because you think I’m into the outdoors because I take yoga… Now, you’ll stop asking. It’ll be too cold. Maybe next year!
7. Sand and Sunscreen suck.
The novelty of having sand wedged in your crack is fun for the first three times- then it’s all over. Sunscreen makes you smell and get zits. As a parent, it also requires that you bathe the child every day to get that thick SPF 1000 off of them… and cleaning the sand out of their carseat is torturous. All of it is bad.
8. I’m lazy and want it to get dark faster at night.
Is it cool that at 9pm it’s still light out? Yeah, for like the first two days. Then after that I want a reason to be back in my pajamas at exactly 5:25pm without getting strange looks from my neighbors.
9. Shaving and Foot Upkeep.
I will literally go a month without shaving my legs once Fall boot season starts… and no one will be able to judge me. I can also save $30 a month because no one will care that my pedicure is chipped and gross.
10. We can stop eating outside.
There’s a lot of pressure in the summer to pick restaurants that are “on the water” or “have outside seating”. I’m not afraid to admit that I’m sick of mosquitos flying in my wine and sweating while I’m shoving a bowl of Rigatoni in my mouth… Let’s start eating inside again like civilized people.
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