Back by popular demand, more random dumb crap you can buy on Etsy! Etsy.com has become a suburban soccer mom’s crack. I constantly get emails from friends who are super excited because they found a wooden spoon on Etsy that’s made by elves somewhere in Colorado. I’ve found that pretty much anything I can dream up can be found on that damn site. Don’t believe me? Watch…
Ummm… A rainbow turtle.
BAM! 443 matches. I can’t make this stuff up. Here’s one of the matches:
“Rainbow turtle that I randomly said I wanted that I found instantly on Etsy.com”
Want to buy it? Click here.
Here is a list of random Connecticut stuff you can also buy on the site.
1. Don’t know what to get your loved one for Valentine’s Day? How about Wool Balls? Yes, Connecticut handmade Wool Balls. Note: These are on clearance so get ’em now. Nothing says “I love you and I’m a lunatic” like buying your loved one these:
“Happy Valentine’s Day- I promise I won’t kill you. Here’s some Wool balls”
2. Want to show the world that you’re from Connecticut, twirl your hair around your finger, and were probably the captain of your high school cheerleading squad? Then look no further! Show the world your commitment to our great state and how adorable you are with this bumper sticker!
“Like, OMG, Look at this bumper sticker! It totally gets me!”
3. This artist from Stratford, CT makes the creepiest friggen’ rabbit crap I’ve ever seen. I’ve plastered pictures of these on my refrigerator and notified my daughter that if she continues to act like an a-hole, she will randomly find these in her bed at night. I call it creative parenting.
“Oh really? You don’t want to eat your broccoli? Sweet dreams.”
4. Does your husband LOOOOOOOVE Justin Timberlake? I mean, COME ON! All the boys adore him, right?! Well, then wait until you surprise him with these amazing cuff links! Because every grown man cannot wait to get their hands on a pair of cuff links that look like the CT license plate but say “JT 20/20” promoting Justin Timberlake’s new album, The 20/20 Experience!
Also available in “BELIEBER”
5. Do you love to bake? Want to stun and outshine the other suburban moms at your kids school? Well, then it’s time to really turn it up this year at the bake sale- because everyone will be super jealous of your brand new Connecticut shaped cookie cutter! Of course, if you’re a crappy baker, your cookies will just look like a deformed square.
“Mrs. Field’s ain’t got nothin’ on me…”
6. Own a part of Connecticut history! It’s… an old glass bottle? Right. These Connecticut people sell “Connecticut history” but all it seems like to me is that they sell old random bottles that they label antique. Also available an “antique” toilet bowl brush from 1998.
“Original CT antique used to house Justin Bieber’s sizzurp”
7. Nothing says “I’m having a redneck Connecticut wedding” like getting personalized plastic cups for your wedding! They can easily be used for the beer pong portion of your nuptials too. Please note that they make an excellent wedding favor for guests as well and make it convenient for their frequent trips to the celebratory wedding keg.
“Comes in multi-colors to match the bridesmaid’s dresses!”
8. Love those UCONN frat boys? Oh, me too. Can’t get them to pay any attention to you? No worries. I got you covered- because nothing screams “I’m a party boys!” like bottle cap earrings with the UCONN logo on them. Ohhhh yeah. Just watch those boys line up when you show up to that TKE mixer wearing these… and nothing else.
“Nu Zeta Phi, til I die.”
9. Sure, we all know the Stepford Wives movie was filmed in our state and that supposedly the “Stepford Wife” is actually from New Canaan. But, did we know that the cult of the Stepford Wives actually had a top secret cookbook? Yes, this cook book is titled “Connecticut Women Cookbook” and is from the 1980’s. In it? Recipes to drive Suburbans, play tennis and wear Lily Pulitzer clothing.
“I’m a robot”
10. Seriously, what the hell is this? I kid you not- for sale right now a “Soft Touch Gold Connecticut Stylus” which will work on smartphones and touch screen tablets. First of all, no one has used a stylus since Ari Gold from Entourage gave up his in 2007. Second of all, what about this “gold edition” one makes it from Connecticut? I know the answers to none of these- but I do know that it’s available now for $15.00. Amazing.
“I’m the world’s fattest stylus that no one will ever use!”
Until next time, stay classy Connecticut!