13 Things People In Fairfield County Love About Fairfield County
13) Replying “which one?” when someone asks “Wanna go to the beach?”
In Westport alone you’ve got Compo Beach, Saugutuck Shores, Burying Hill Beach, and Old Mill Beach. Here’s a spoiler, I’m from Westport so I’m going to be a little bias. And braggadocio.
12) Having a Shake Shack. And a Five Guys. And Super Duper Weenie.
Let L.A. brag all they want about In N’ Out Burger. All three of these places could take L.A.’s fast food jewel out to lunch. Hell yeah that double entendre was on purpose. I mean Super Duper Weenie is called Super Duper Weenie. The only name more fitting for the place might be “My Sad and Beautiful Childhood.”
11) Celebrating that you nailed the daily Merritt vs. I-95 decision.
I swear to god, how has there not been an app made called “Merrit or I-95.” Shit, why would I give that idea away to the general public? It was my idea guys, so I don’t want any Winklevoss business when I become a billionaire because of it.
10) Organizing an epic trip to Clinton Crossing.
“We should really go to Clinton Crossing soon” should honestly be my most used phrase because every time I say it, I get an uproarious response that ends in people exuberantly cheering my name over and over again. Yes, I am that insecure that hearing “Sammy! Sammy! Sammy!” helps me get through the day.
9) Actually going to Clinton Crossing.
You gotta love that high horse you get on when you snag about 14 items at Ralph Lauren for under $100. Not like anyone else really cares or you did anything special, but deep down you know everyone is super jealous of you.
8) Remembering how easy an impromptu New York City is.
We’ve all been there before. You step off the Metro-North. It’s 6 pm. Somehow you’ve ended up in the greatest city in the world. You glance at your hopefully well-charged (incredibly important aspect) smartphone, and you realize that just two hours ago you fantasized about having several dozen street vendor hot dogs.
7) Actually going to New York City.
You know you secretly laugh at those poor, poor folks from out of Connecticut that have uttered the words “I only go to New York once a year.” Schadenfreude never felt so good.
6) Having that one really rich friend.
Don’t have a pool? No biggie. Wanna play a quick match of tennis? Your rich homie has got you covered. Not everyone in Fairfield County is rich. But everyone knows someone in Fairfield County who is. That’s like a tenth as good, which is pretty freakin’ sweet.
5) Getting absolutely obliterated and going to July 4th fireworks.
Uh. Maybe this is just me. I hope not. Awkward.
4) Finding seafood that doesn’t cost as much as your car lease.
Yeah baby, damn right this lobster roll was only $8.95. Who cares that I scarfed it down in two bites and accidentally ate the tin foil? For the love of god people, if you have found a solid, cheap seafood place, treasure it. Love it like it was your own dear, dear child. Except you can put liquid butter on it.
3) Bragging about the one time you saw a B-list celebrity at your favorite spot.
“Holy shit. No way. You saw Mike Greenberg at Organic Market?” I swear, Fairfield County’s motto should be, “Oh my god that guy is definitely famous. Google him now.”
2) No matter what, having one other friend who likes the same sports teams as you.
As a Mets, Giants, Bruins, and Nets fan, I have somehow had no trouble finding people with the same weird fandom as I. That’s really saying something, considering a Rangers fan in Boston would most likely find himself somewhere in between a rock and a switchblade.
1) Being a terrible driver, but not caring because everyone else is too.
Yeah, that’s right. I just veered off into your lane. Honk all you want sucka, I just saw you burn that red light a mile back. We all suck at driving, some of us just suck a little less. See you in the shoulder lane.