The Baseball Hater’s (or Yankees/Mets Fan) Guide To The World Series
In 2013, Major League Baseball obviously doesn’t have the clout and popularity of the NFL. One only needs to see the television ratings of playoff games compared to any random NFL game that might be coinciding on the same night to know that.
Still, even if you couldn’t give two shits less about either of the teams in the World Series this year, playoff baseball is usually pretty exciting and worth tuning in to, even if it’s only for a couple of games.
So, if you’re one of those folks who couldn’t care less, or are a Yankee or Met fan that hates The Red Sox or St. Louis Cardinals, I’m going to list five reasons why you SHOULD be watching this year’s Fall Classic that starts tonight at Fenway Park in Boston.
1) Because no matter what the outcome, one of the most annoying fan bases in all of sports will be left miserable.
I honestly don’t know who’s worse- the “golly gee willikers” Midwest geek Cardinals fans who think that they truly are “baseball’s best fans” and are just so ridiculously sanctimonious about their ball club, or the Red Sox fans (which I’m one of, by the way) who are either the most miserable, salty people on Planet Earth or a clueless mom who couldn’t name more than one player other than “Big Papi”, all while she’s dolled up wearing a pink, bedazzled Sox hat and taking a ticket from a real fan.
Also both of these collective fan bases also care a little bit TOO much, so knowing that you’ll be able to taste the proverbial tears of one or the other should be reason enough alone for you to tune in if you wouldn’t have otherwise.
2) We get it, The Red Sox have big beards.
It was kinda cool the first hundred or so times I heard about the camaraderie on this 2013 Red Sox team, and how their hairy, um.. beardiness (?) has helped them all come together like no team in MLB since perhaps the “band of idiots” the Red Sox had in 2004.
But enough. We get it with the goddamn beards. In fact, that goes for ALL big beards everywhere. From hipsters in Brooklyn, to those Duck Dynasty idiots, I can’t be the only one who’s fed up with big beards.
I mean, It’s just facial hair people, can we maybe just talk about the actual y’know, PLAY of the 2013 Red Sox, and not how their beards “magically transformed them into winners” (they haven’t, by the way.)
If you’re over the beards, then you might want to tune in to the World Series, just to simply root for the Cardinals.
3) Stupid successful Cardinals. (Otherwise known as the reason for Mets fans to watch)
One of, if not THE reasons to root against the St. Louis Cardinals is because of their ridiculously annoying success rate.
Seriously, what the hell is it with this team? It’s like they’re in the World Series EVERY YEAR. Really they’re a lot like the Yankees, back when the Yankees weren’t all old, and terrible. (Yes, that’s a cheap shot.)
Also, they’re like the anti-Mets, in that while the Cardinals just seemingly are always in contention and find young pitchers like they’re fruit on trees (Michael Wacha? Really?) the Mets just can’t stop getting in their own way, haven’t been relevant in close to a decade, and also when they DO find young, stud pitchers, something will always inevitably go horribly wrong (see: Harvey, Matt.)
That should be enough reason for Mets fans to tune in (albeit reluctantly) just to root against the Cardinals, simply because they’re everything your team isn’t, but wish that they could be.
4) Boston? Winning ANOTHER World Series? Not on MY watch. (Otherwise known as the reason for Yankee fans to watch)
Yeah, the Red Sox won’t ever be able to match the amount of World Series championships won by the Bronx Bombers, but they’re still the Red Sox, and this is still one of the better rivalries in all of sports. You mean to tell me that if you’re a Yankee fan, you’re not going to tune in to each game in this series just to root for Schadenfreude’s sake? C’mon. Every Yankee fan for the next week should become a de facto Cardinals fan. That’s a no-brainer.
5) Because it should actually be a great series.
Really, this has the makings of an all-time classic, and that’s reason alone to tune in, even if you don’t care about baseball or the participants. Both the Cardinals and Sox won 97 games, and neither has a clear weakness. Not to mention, both Boston and St. Louis had their league’s best records. This has only happened three times since 1995, so in many ways you could call this a “true” World Series, which I’m sure gets the nerdy baseball purists moist.
I’m saying it’s going to be a roller coaster ride, and it’s going to be Boston in 7 games.