After 2015’s Spring of Bears, I was under the impression that the quantity and absurdity of Connecticut-based bear stories could not get any higher in 2016. That impression was false, apparently.
But now, the bears are stepping up their game. They aren’t satisfied to aimlessly wander through our town squares or climb our trees. No, they’ve decided to crash our parties.
According to the Stamford Advocate, a Choate Rosemary Hall reunion over the weekend was interrupted by a 325-pound black bear spotted on campus going through garbage bins. The report said police tranquilized the bear and took it to remote location, per standard procedure.
It’s comforting that authorities are able to respond so quickly to the number of bear sightings we’ve had lately, but it’s a bit creepy that they are working so hard to assimilate. It makes me think this whole “bears encroaching on human society” thing is really just a high school drama set forth in nature.
How far, really, is “rummaging through garbage bins near a high school reunion” from “drunkenly devouring shrimp cocktail at a high school reunion”? I’d argue that it’s not that far at all.
The bears are studying us, and they are quick learners. They are mimicking our behavior and adapting to our societal structures. Before long, they’ll be holding their own reunions and we will be the ones who aren’t invited. And if you thought things were scary in 2015, just think of how terrifying it will be when we’re living in the Mean Girls universe but with bears instead of The Plastics. I’m terrified already.