You feel it in the air, don’t you? The familiar rattle of the office air conditioner, weaving a tale of ice and sorrow that chills you to the very marrow of your bones? Then, the unsettling feeling arises in your stomach, telling you that this is your reality until September. You officially entered Women’s Winter.
Women’s Winter is that time during the summer when the office blasts the A/C. And, no, it’s not at the refreshing temperature we, the poor feminine souls, set at home. No, your office turns into a tundra. Nay, your workplace transforms into the planet Hoth and you are Luke Skywalker.
Not even the hottest cup of coffee (or tauntaun) can fully save you. That’s why we turn to our savior, the space heater or fashionable shawl. Sometimes both!
It all comes down to science why women bemoan summer at the office.
Turns out that women naturally are colder than men. Cold as in, body heat, not personality wise.
We only grow frigid when guys keep texting us at 3am with “u up?” Or if you didn’t wash the dishes.
But, scientifically speaking, women naturally feel the cold more than men. It all comes down to our higher core body temperatures. So, because our bodies are used to being warm… we have a stronger reaction to colder weather.
Also, ladies, if you’re on birth control… sorry to tell you but it actually makes you feel even COLDER. Something way more scientific-y than my English degree about birth control that really pumps up your body temp yada yada yada. Here, have some light reading from Fox News.
Core body temperatures aside, God really wanted to screw with us when he created Eve. “Ohhh, just you wait when man invents air conditioning,” he chuckled on, like, the 7th day or something.
So, on top of having a warmer body, we also have slower metabolic rates than men. What? You mean men really can eat more and not have it all go to their butts? Yes, sadly that’ strue.
It also means that men burn more calories in a day than we ladies do and that’s emphatically UNFAIR. So, not only do guys lose weight easier, they also stay warmer because their metabolism works like a fireplace that heats their bodies up. They eat a whole pizza? Their metabolic rate kicks up like an absolute savage, keeps the fat from obscuring their six pack, and keeps them nice and toasty on a cool day in the office.
And, that brings me to this final point – office temperatures are typically set around the male metabolic rates. It’s been that way since the 1960’s. You know, back when women weren’t making up half of the workforce. Nature recently came out with a study confirming that!
Seriously, ladies would love nothing more than to wear a cute summery top to work and Capri pants. But, no, we must be practical. It may be cute to expose the shoulder, but then that’s one part of the body vulnerable to the blasting air conditioning.
Hence why you may see a shawl or hoodie folded up neatly at your female coworker’s desk during the summer. It’s because it’s Women’s Winter for her. She knows if she gets too cold, she’ll slowly lose her ability to think straight and therefore become dead weight at the office.
Theoretically: a great excuse why we didn’t finish our work on time. In reality: grounds for firing.
Why our offices content themselves by setting the thermostat to 65? It’s not because of us, sweetheart. Actually, when you see your breath as you toil away at your office job, you know this is nothing short than a form of torture.
Makes us want to get our work done faster so we can go home and soak in a hot tub.
But, seriously, maybe if businesses ditch the super-cold AC model at summertime, they might save on some energy costs. Just sayin’…
With that said, welcome to Women’s Winter. Please don’t enjoy your stay.