I saw Beauty and the Beast last weekend, and it was… fine. It’s not my thing, and my favorite thing about seeing this movie on opening weekend was that realization: There are other pockets of moviegoers that are just as ravenous for fanboy/fangirl content as I am.

The theater I went to was packed to the rafters with people who could not wait to sing “Be Our Guest”, and they did. Through glasses of wine and flasks of rum, they belted out every note of the entire soundtrack. While annoying at the moment, and very sticky on the ride home, that experience drove home the point that there are different groups of fans that each deserves their Avengers moment. Disney knows this, too.

Between Pixar, the live action reboot to the Disney Vault and Marvel Studios running on all cylinders, the nuanced genre entries joining the March box office this week don’t stand a chance.


Beauty and the Beast Box Office Victim #1: CHiPS

Via ROTTEN TOMATOES: Two middle-aged California Highway Patrol motorcycle officers who are tasked with highway patrol soon find themselves in a situation like none other when a sadistic ex-cop and his theft hitmen are wreaking havoc throughout their city.

I have zero connection with this, which makes me feel young and spry. It seems like it’s coming about a decade too late as the cinematic adaptation of 70’s shows by comedic actors dominated the early 2000’s. The rewatch-ability factor cannot be denied and based on the trailer CHiPs looks like an excellent way to spend a Sunday on cable in about eight months.


Beauty and the Beast Box Office Victim #2: LIFE

Via ROTTEN TOMATOES: A crew aboard the International Space Station performs a successful capture of a space probe returning from Mars with a sample inside. The crew is tasked with studying the sample, which may be the first proof of extraterrestrial life. However, the study eventually backfires as the organism displays incredible strength and gains intelligence, becoming extremely hostile and killing them all one by one. Trapped aboard the ISS with the rapidly-growing organism, the crew must find out how to kill it before it manages to escape and destroy Earth.

I want this to be good. I want this to be good, and I want it to be successful. I want Jake Gyllenhaal and Ryan Reynolds both to be box office darlings and not just two of Hollywoods hardest working actors. I want Deadpool and Donny Darko to achieve Clooney and Pitt status… and I don’t think LIFE is going to be the vehicle that takes them there. At least not this week because there aren’t any singing candlesticks or teacups on the space station in this movie.


Beauty and the Beast Box Office Victim #3: Power Rangers

Via WIKIPEDIA: Five teenagers with attitude are inexplicably brought together by coincidence or destiny to become the newest generation of a line of warriors known as the Power Rangers. The world rests in their hands as Rita Repulsa, a powerful witch and former Power Ranger, launches an assault seeking the Zeo Crystal with an army of stone golems called Putties and a giant golden monster called Goldar.

Elizabeth Banks, Bill Hader, and Bryan Cranston are in this movie. It also features a very Twilight/Hunger Games/Breakfast Club setting and set up about a group of misfits who are given super powers and if memory serves from watching the TV show 25 years ago… fight an army of clay people on a weekly basis.

I can’t believe this is getting a big budget reboot, but then again I couldn’t believe Transformers did either. I am also pretty sure TETRIS is going to be a movie. Get ready for a million more of these types of franchise at-bats because the box office will be loaded with them… they just can’t slay the Disney beast.

What do you think? Comment below