He tried so hard to get nominated for a Darwin Award.  Alas, so close but no cigar.  Protip: if you resist police, you’re doing it wrong.

Fairfield Daily Voice reports that today’s Connecticut man is 31-year-old Steven Nieves.  First of all, he started his day robbing Mike’s Supermarket and taking off with a boat-load of cash.  All he had to do was wave his little gun around to get what he wanted.  In abundance.

To him, it was a good day.  To Bridgeport police?  Eh, it was Monday.

Anyways, Nieves must have been too busy counting his stolen cash to hightail it out of the crime area.  Why do I say this?  Well, police Sgt. James Geremia found him meandering about on the next street over.  Obviously, as duty calls, Geremia went to take him in.

One small problem.  It’s been proven Nieves ain’t the brightest star in the sky.  So, he decided to fight for his freedom and his “hard earned” cash.

It didn’t end well.  At all.

Nieves grabbed his pistol and tried the magic waving trick that always makes store cashiers do his bidding.  Unfortunately for him, that trick never works on police.

So, somehow during the scuffle, he managed to shoot himself in the leg.  His dreams of a glorious getaway crumbled as he was loaded into an ambulance and carted off to St. Vincent’s Medical Center.

So, Nieves is out of cash, has a huge hospital bill, and managed to rack up heavy charges faster than a teenager can do on her new credit card.  He also got a pretty solid $250,000 bond, too.

In short, he ever gets out of jail, he won’t even have a cool story to tell his buddies how he got that scar on his leg.  I mean, he could totally lie – but how pathetic is that?

Anyways, good job Mr. Nieves for making Bridgeport proud.  You wear the cape of Connecticut man very well.

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