We’ve had this discussion before: When committing a crime, it is usually a good idea to just stick to one crime. Committing another one simultaneously, or separately but in order to cover up the first crime, is always a bad plan.
But if there’s one easy way to tell if a man is a Connecticut Man, it’s by seeing if he follows this rule. According to UPI, Jake Ouellette did not follow this rule, and that makes him a Connecticut Man if I’ve ever seen one.
According to the report, Ouellette was arrested because his landlord notified police he was keeping an American Alligator in his apartment. That’s illegal. Know what else is illegal? All the marijuana plants, paraphernalia, and other drug stuff he was keeping in his apartment.
Of course, when the police arrived to investigate one, they naturally found the other. Yet again, a Connecticut Man has earned himself a two-for-one special.
These are the kinds of Connecticut Man stories that make me proud. A lot of the time, stupid criminals hit the same notes. They leave finger prints everywhere. They return to the scene of the crime. They tell somebody they shouldn’t have told. But what makes a Connecticut Man stand out is his originality in how stupid he is. And this Ouellette guy is very stupid.
When you’re growing marijuana and selling it out of your apartment, maybe don’t keep a wild alligator in your house too. Or, if you really want to have a pet alligator, maybe don’t run a mid-sized drug operation out of your living room. Doing both just seems like asking for trouble. And since Ouellette couldn’t decide, wouldn’t you know it, trouble found him.
If these kinds of stories keep rolling in, our Connecticut Man Mount Rushmore is going to get awfully crowded.