You know… it’s been too long since we highlighted one of CT Boom’s unsung heroes. Connecticut Man. You know, where we highlight one of our state’s finest for doing the nearly impossible. Well, the impossibly stupid. Like the guy who brought his appetite to the police station.
So, Stamford Advocate has the story. 56-year-old Eugene Lyles who could have just been given a slap on the wrist for forgery. Basically, this dude made a name for himself for passing off phony bills. So much so that police started putting up flyers about him.
Naturally, after trying to pay with one of these aforementioned phony bills at a coffee shop, the employee called police. She recognized his face from the posters and sent him on his merry way.
Police eventually caught him hanging out at the local Starbucks with a bottle of vodka in hand. This guy was so ready to party. Also, police found 19 counterfeit bills on him.
But, his adventure was far from over once the police arrived. Actually, it only begun.
You see, this guy devised an interesting way to dispose of the evidence of his crime. I said interesting. Not smart.
Because he felt that if he destroyed any and all receipts from the stores he spent his precious phony cash at, the police would have nothing on him.
So, Lyles became one with his inner goat while police processed him at headquarters. As police began counting the evidence against him, he unhinged his jaw and gobbled down a Michael’s receipt.
Yes, he used fake money at an arts and craft store. What a guy.
Unfortunately, his plan backfired and Connecticut Man was also charged with tampering with evidence. Along with his 20 counts of first-degree forgery and sixth-degree larceny. Officers also nailed him for interfering with police.
So, in the end, he only caused his bail to go up, because police held him on $2,000 court appearance bond.
Connecticut man may have a legendary appetite, but it’s his utter witlessness that earned him today’s crown. Let’s slow clap this one out, shall we?