It’s been a while since we had a decent Connecticut Man story. So, here’s someone who really takes the cake. I mean, this guy’s reasoning behind his antics are pure gold in on themselves.
So, Fairfield Daily Voice reports that this 40-something man named Brian Patrick Burns decided that having a good time was laying on the street. And screaming. Why? Well, apparently it’s all thanks to a fancy new cleanse diet he was trying out.
I mean, sure, you put me on a juicing diet and I, too, will want to lay on the floor and scream. Probably somewhere in the middle of a highway. Because I don’t think it’s a mistake that you can’t spell “diet” without the word “die.” Just sayin’.
Anyways, so neighbors were obviously concerned about Brian’s mental health and called police. However, Brian’s tantrum had ended by the time officers arrived, so they missed the show. I bet they were REALLY looking forward to that.
But, when police are at your door for a well-being check, the last thing you should do is give them a reason to arrest you.
So, what does a suffering man on a supposed cleanse diet do? Comes out of his house SWINGING. Turns out this Connecticut man had pretty decent aim and managed to sock an officer right in the jaw.
After a couple of minutes, Brian was in handcuffs and began regaling his captive audience with his sob story. Turns out, his diet stank so much, he turned to medical marijuana to ease the pain. In abundance.
Apparently, he was toking up in his garage just moments before the whole laying down and screaming incident. According to him, he began to feel like he was “losing control” and, supposedly, blacked out. Man, he must be fun to have at parties.
After a brief stint at St. Vincent’s hospital for psychiatric evaluation, Brian posted $5,000 bond and went on his merry way.
Let this be a public service announcement to all you potential dieters: don’t. It’s not worth it. Because you, too, may want to sprawl yourself across a street and start screaming.