And just yesterday I was lamenting that our dear hero, Connecticut Man, was taking a siesta. Turns out, he’s been here all along. About time, too.
So, here’s what happened. According to the Stamford Advocate, Nicholas Tartell is a complex man. He’s a man who displays affection in a very unique manner.
Well, if his affection actually manifests itself as utter contempt and hatred. But who am I to judge? Plenty of YA romance novels start out the same exact way.
Anyways, so Nick decided to profess his undying love of police officers by “violently keying” their cars. Yes, hunched over and all. He really was putting his weight into it.
So, obviously, the officer who saw Nick desecrating his cruiser gave pursuit. After a brief romp down Hoyt Street, police grabbed our hero and slammed him to the ground.
Nick, obviously, decided to use his words to properly covey his feelings at this point. I mean, what else was a man to do? So, he began shouting how much he hates the cops.
Yeah, it went over really well.
Officers also found Nick’s El Camino blocking the police department’s entrance. Turns out police chased that same exact car a little bit earlier in Darien. And he would have gotten it away with it, too, had he not stopped to scratch up some cruisers. Or left his car for all of the Stamford police department to see.
Man, gotta love the mental mathematics that went into concocting that equation.
In short, Nick was charged with first-degree criminal mischief (amongst other things) and had a nice bond of $25,000 slapped on his head.
I’m pretty sure that once the officers rectify the damage with a paint job, they’ll be laughing about this one for a while…