I honestly never thought this day would come, but I now have to write a sentence that begins with “So a ninja walks into a bank,” but that is not followed by a hilarious punchline. Here we go.
So a ninja walks into a bank, grabs a bunch of money from a cash drawer, and then runs away. Police are still looking for the guy.
I would have greatly preferred to end that sentence with, “he tried to ask the teller to help him make a deposit, but he is so stealthy the teller never noticed him,” or “but he couldn’t remember his PIN number because it was just as elusive as he was.”
But no, this is no joke. This is a real story of a white guy donning a ninja costume, walking into a Connecticut bank, robbing it, and fleeing either on foot or in a Honda.
Those facts are according to a report from The Hartford Courant, which covered the robbery at the Hamden People’s Bank on Whiteny Avenue. Eye-witnesses told police they saw the ninja-thief fleeing on foot up the Farmington Canal Trail, but that a short time later a Honda traveling at a high rate of speed was seen leaving the area.
Look, no offense to this guy (who, to this point, has actually gotten away with robbing a bank), but if you’re going to use the ninja look, at least respect the profession enough to develop some ninja skills.
A true ninja would rob a bank before anyone knew he was inside. This guy just walked in the front door.
A true ninja would make an untraceable, undetectable getaway. This guy ran away while everyone watched him and might have hopped in a recognizable car made more noticeable by its speed.
This guy is not a true ninja. He may look the look, but he doesn’t walk the walk. My guess is he’s caught by the end of the week.