Darien Woman Bites Police Officer
Augh. Those pesky police officers and all their stupid rules. Between them demanding that you not text while driving to that whole annoying “don’t drink while you’re operating a boat” blah blah blah nonsense, it’s like they want you to be perfect. (I’m kidding. I don’t drink and drive. I do text and drive. But I’m seeking help for that. There’s a Meetup group.)
Anyway, a 27-year-old woman from Darien is in huge trouble after a DUI arrest. It’s one of the craziest stories I’ve heard in a while.
This is what I envision the conversation/confrontation to be like (Note: This is just a reenactment and not actual transcript)
Police: “Ma’am, do you have any idea why you and your car are on this lawn?”
Terrible Mom: “Whaaat? No, (as she sways side to side) there was a sale at Lord and Taylors, then I brought my kid home and opened a up a six pack of Golden Monkey… Next thing I know I’m nose first on this gross lawn”
Police: “Ma’am, you’re drunk. Go home”
Terrible Mom: “AUUUUUGHGHGH- I’m going to rip off my shirt and throw it at you”
Police: “Ma’am, that’s not a good idea”
(She rips off her shirt and throws it at them)
Police: “Ma’am, we said that wasn’t a good idea… and where did you find Golden Monkey beer?”
Terrible Mom: “Golden Monkey beer is delicious- What are you going to do arrest me?!”
Police: “Yes Ma’am, that’s plan.”
Here’s what’s real about my fake re-enactment:
Her car was nose down in someone’s lawn. She did say that she was at Lord and Taylor’s, dropped off her kid, had a few drinks and then didn’t know how her car ended up on a resident’s front yard. Police did find a six pack of Golden Monkey beer in the car (Amazing) with one bottle missing. She did rip off her shirt when police confronted her- but it gets crazier… she then attempted to punch a female officer and screamed profanities the entire way to police headquarters. Story doesn’t end there- Once they arrived at the precinct, she stripped naked and bit another police officer’s elbow. She was then carried to her jail cell. She is due in court on Friday.
There are no words.
photo source: (c) iStockphoto/Thinkstock