How soon is too soon for the annual winter panic? There’s no standard that I’m aware of, but apparently the answer is not early September.

I learned that little tidbit while scrolling through the local news headlines this morning, when I came across this one: “CT communities begin to prepare for winter.”

Now, you might be thinking, “Oh, whoever wrote that is just jumping on the Winter Weather Click Factory Bandwagon early without much actual news to back up the headline. And, before I clicked, I was inclined to agree. I, like most people, have been outside in the last week and know that the weather we are experiencing is nothing that should spark winter preparations.

But nope, there’s actual news to be had here. Amid a heat wave that has seen schools close early and temperatures spike up above 90 degrees, towns like Norwalk are already preparing for the upcoming winter season, Connecticut News 12 reported.

And it’s not just planning. It’s not just making sure they have the contact information of everyone in Norwalk who owns a plow. It’s actual, money-spending preparation! The report said that Norwalk has already purchased its first batch of salt!

Look, I’m as frugal as the next guy, and if buying road salt in September when everyone in the state is drowning in their own sweat gets you a better price than waiting until temperatures drop below 50, so be it. But do us all a favor and do not tell anyone about it.

Now that people know about it and see the headline “CT communities begin to prepare for winter,” Norwalk isn’t simply buying salt. It’s firing the starting gun for winter panic for communities and individuals across Connecticut. Now towns are going to be rushing to stock up on salt and sand. Citizens are going to be busting down the doors of their local home depot, bringing shovel supplies to an unusually low level for late summer. And everyone knows annoying Internet news folks like me are going to spam your eyeballs with as much winter catastrophe imagery as we possibly can, which I realize is incredibly stupid even though I’m literally doing it right now as I’m writing this sentence.

Basically, Norwalk has unleashed winter mayhem about two months early. Even if winter is bad we probably won’t see snow until December, at the earliest. This is insane. But hey, it just goes to show you how much we are mentally destroyed after last winter. We’re shells of our former, hearty New England selves, and no amount of pre-ordered salt is going to fix that.

What do you think? Comment below