Yesterday my dumb pal Jim wrote wrote a rambling piece attempting to defend Eggnog. Throughout his barely coherent prose he attempted to explain why this hideous concoction is not only palatable but delicious and worthy of your time. As with most of his opinions Jim is completely wrong. Let’s destroy his argument.
Jim says “We’re talking about a drink that strikes the rare balance between sweet and hearty at a time when you need both.”
I say- If by “hearty” you mean a beverage with a phlegm-like consistency then you would be correct.
Jim says “It’s fairly versatile if you’re looking to serve it with precious alcohol.”
I say – I am a grown-ass man, I don’t need to mask or doll-up my booze. Leave that to the kids having their first drink.
Jim says “If you’re actually paranoid about your calorie intake you can always take you eggnog in dessert form.”
I say – Who would waste precious dessert calories on Eggnog?! With so many other tasty options Eggnog doesn’t even register.
Jim says “Simply put, eggnog rules.”
I say – No Jim, it does not. Nor do you.