It Feels Like a Perfect Night To… Have a Baby?
Think fast ladies – what were your priorities before you turned 25? Find a job you loved? Maybe get into a relationship? Or maybe just hit the bar and go ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-hard just like the world was, um…your-your-your-your-your-yours?
That sentence was in trouble the second I tried to act like Ke$ha is still a relevant cultural reference.
But my point is…those golden years between college graduation and real actual adult responsibilities are generally some of the best and most careless years of your early life. You can do almost anything, without having irreversible impact on your future. You can date a million idiots. You can blow all of your extra money on takeout and sweaters. You can bartend at an Applebee’s in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, taking smoke breaks with the ex-con line cooks and getting fat on appetizer sampler platters. You can do all of this with abandon, without worrying too much about the repercussions of your terrible life choices, because who else are they going to affect, besides you?
All those shots you take? All those hookups you have? Wild oats. And it’s practically an obligation to sow them between the ages of 21 and 25.
And yet, and yet, according to a survey conducted by Gallup.com, the ideal age for you to have a baby is…under 25.
Gallup — a research company that conducts public opinion polls on political, social, and civic topics — asked 5100 Americans what they think is the best age for babymaking. (That’s about .00164 percent of the total population, FYI.) And more than half of those people responded that a woman should pop ‘em out before their 25th birthday. A man can wait until he’s 26, though. PHEWSIES. Somebody’s gotta enjoy their early 20s. AMIRIGHTBOYZ?
Of course the hilarious flaw here is that Gallup’s methodology is to conduct their surveys by calling cell phones and landlines. Only 50% of the calls are to cell phones, even though according to the 2012 National Health Interview Survey, 49.5 percent of people aged 18-24 live in a house with no landline, and the same is true for over 60 percent of people age 25-29.
Listen. Numbers make my head hurt and I’m sure there are all kinds of flaws in my own logic-not-logic. But how about we call up all of the under 25-year-olds we know and ask THEM if THEY think that it’s a good idea for them to have a baby right now? Because when you’re 22, you know all about making well-informed permanent life choices. Right, Taylor?
Or you know what? Have a baby when you’re 22. I don’t give a fuck. It’s your body. I guess that’s really my point – that YOU know what the ‘ideal’ time is for YOU to have a baby. I hope nobody who read that fucking nonsense bunk masquerading as legitimate public opinion sat up straight in the chair parked behind an Executive Assistant desk and thought: “Oh FUCK. A small percentage of Americans who willingly participated in a phone survey that was fifty percent likely to be conducted over a landline think that now is the perfect time for me to start a family! WELP, BUH-BYE, IUD!!”
Ladies: Do not freak out if you read online that you are supposed to have a baby and you do not have a baby.
Media: Do not tell people when they are supposed to have babies.
Gallup: Do not call landlines to gather any information that is relevant to any person younger than sixty zillion years old.
Everyone: Put on some Ke$ha and take a glitter break, for fuck’s sake.
photo: (c) iStock/Thinkstock