Wait… what? How is that even possible? Somehow, Connecticut didn’t even make the top 5 worst states in America. But, we did manage to make the top 10 so don’t get your panties too much up in a bunch.
Seriously, does Thrillist know something that we don’t? Or… are they on something that we should know of? (No, seriously, if it’s the latter please send the goods our way because we need some of that sweet sweet denial pixie dust.)
So, how in the world is Florida worse than Connecticut? Everyone and their great-grandmother’s pet dog, Trixie, moved there last year. Just read some old CT Boom comments and you’ll get the idea.
But, then again, do keep in mind that this is the same site that disparaged our delicious steamed cheeseburger and called it America’s worst food. And declared Chicago’s deep dish pizza superior to NYC pizza.
See? Drugs CLEARLY play a role in the Thrillist writing process.
So, we’ll take this roundup with a very minuscule grain of salt that not even Salt Bae would want to work with.
But, yeah, Connecticut, somehow we managed to do something right. Despite our egregiously unfair taxes, outdated transportation infrastructure, and mass exodus of residents… it paled in comparison to Florida Man.
Yes, that’s it. Florida man is the sole reason why Florida is the worst of the worst. Uh… does Thrillist know nothing of Connecticut Man? Someone, please, send the editor a link so they’ll see the light. And never step foot in our state again.
Delaware, strangely, earned the title of America’s 2nd worst state. I know… huh? It deserved its placement because the people of Delaware don’t stand up for themselves. Yes, that’s why they placed 2nd this year.
Ohio, Arizona, and Utah all filled out the top 5 in this yearly roundup. And, yes, all managed to place due to innocuous reasons. Like, for being boring or having too many ponderosa pine trees.
The longer you spend reading this list the more your brain hurts. And it already hurts so much trying to understand what Barbie Dreamhouse logic our lawmakers use to defend all these tax increases.
So, how did we dodge out of the top 5? Well, we have John Mayer and warm lobster rolls to thank. That’s it. They gave us some much needed brownie points. Which, if you’ve been paying attention to my accusations… it makes so much sense now!
As for the best state? Clearly the editor’s home base, no doubt… it’s Michigan. Soak that irony in for a while because… it’ll take a bit to sink in.
I know whatever brain cells you had remaining fell out of your head and rolled away. Hey, maybe Malloy counted on that because he fully supports putting tolls on our highways by 2022. He does need more low IQ voters to blindly vote in the 2018 election, anyways…
So, which states deserve to be in your top five? Would you put Connecticut in first place or is there another state that deserves the trophy?