How Big Is Connecticut? Condom Company Weighs In
Condoms seem to finally be a thing. I guess after that whole scare of syphilis and even scarier, pregnancy, people have just come around to the whole having “safe sex” craze. There’s a company called Condomania that created a line of condoms called “TheyFit” which boasted 76 different sizes… For every size man. I guess this makes sense. Bras come in different sizes; it makes sense that condoms should too. One size just doesn’t fit all. (All my friends could have told you that).
According to research, it was found that men tend to be sized 3” to 10” when it comes to their bits. I’ve never seen that high end of the spectrum, but then again, I’ve never dated a basketball player… or Chewbacca. 3”? Well, that’s a different story. (I could tell you about this guy I used to call “The Pinky”.) Girls tell each other if a partner is big or small… If you’re somewhere in between, it’s a safe bet that we’re not talking about you.
Of course with the sale of these new “fitted” condoms they’ve been able to track how many of which sizes are bought. They’ve taken all these statistics and created a list that shows which cities/states have the largest (and smallest) penis sizes. Very helpful, I thought. The data pool consisted of 27,000 men… and the results were, well, odd.
Here’s the list of the top 50 well endowed cities: (Spoiler Alert: No CT cities on this list)
1. New Orleans
2. Washington DC
3. San Diego
4. New York City
8. San Francisco
10. St. Louis
17. Los Angeles
20. Dallas/Ft. Worth
Can someone explain to me how men in Washington DC (who I’m assuming to all be old, wrinkly and white) have secured the number 2 spot? I’ve seen the Anthony Weiner sexts. This has to be some government ploy to gain respect. Let’s continue- Boston at number 15? Every guy who’s a Red Sox fan has a small penis. I’m sorry. It’s simply the truth. #20- Dallas? Well, everything is bigger in Texas. I’ll give them that. There are plenty of discrepancies I have with this list based on my own research. Well, on the research of my sorority sisters. These ladies are the reason your mother warned you not to sit on public toilet seats.
Anyway, more concerning is Connecticut’s spot in the list of states. Number 30. The only state that I thought was funnier and further down on the list is New Jersey in the 32nd spot- (What’s up Pauly D? Wink)
Really? 30th? I didn’t have high expectations for our guys, but I thought at least they’d rank in the top half of the country. But look at you, New Hampshire! Taking home that number one spot!… Expect my slutty sorority sisters to be heading north this weekend.
Here is the full list by penis size from largest to smallest:
- New Hampshire
- New York
- .New Mexico
- South Dakota
- Rhode Island
- New Jersey
- North Dakota
- North Carolina
- South Carolina
- West Virginia
Feel free to crack jokes about Wyoming.
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