It’s Time To Get The Olds Off The Road
While I was standing in the bank this morning waiting for a check to be cashed, the hum of florescent lighting and small talk between the tellers and customers was all of a sudden interrupted by a grubby looking old man who had entered the bank.
That’s because this old man was yelling at the top of his lungs; “DOES ANYBODY OWN A SILVER DODGE? EXCUSE ME, BUT DOES ANYONE OWN A SILVER DODGE THAT IS PARKED IN FRONT OF THE BANK MACHINE IN THE PARKING LOT?!”
My immediate reaction to this old timer’s plight was to have a cheap, internal laugh simply because the location of this bank is unfortunately in the heart of the city where a lot of nuts happen to congregate.
So, I shrugged this incident off as just another mental case who’d wandered in off of the streets and was just looking for attention, and I went back to watching the teller count out my money.
And that’s when this guy started yelling about an accident.
“A SILVER DODGE. IN FRONT OF THE MACHINE. I’M AFRAID WE DIDN’T SEE IT AND WE BACKED INTO IT. THERE’S BEEN AN ACCIDENT. WITH A SILVER DODGE!”
It was upon hearing the words “silver” and “accident” that a white hot fury took over my body.
That’s because my car is silver, and while it wasn’t a Dodge (please. Over my dead body would I buy an American car) it most certainly WAS parked in front of the A.T.M. machine outside.
At the time I had walked in, there wasn’t anyone else parked next to me, and knowing my luck, I could feel it in my bones. This incompetent, shouldn’t be behind the wheel, let alone even be let out of his house old coot had TOTALLY smashed into my parked car, and I was going to go outside and lose my mind.
Caught between STILL waiting for the teller who was counting out my money, and wanting to run outside to assess the damage, I stood waiting angrily, sweating, with a pit in my stomach, assuming thousands in damage.
During this time, a security officer working at the bank had escorted this old man outside, all while he just kept yelling things like “WE DIDN’T MEAN IT! WE JUST NEVER EVEN SAW THE CAR! A SILVER DODGE!
I finally get my money in hand, and storm outside, preparing to unleash a hailstorm of expletives.
And wouldn’t you know?
I dodged a bullet.
(No pun intended)
This old man and his (seemingly) infinitely older wife who was the one behind the wheel (and still sitting in the drivers seat, by the way) had indeed smashed into a silver Dodge, and NOT my silver Infinity which was parked right next to it.
And boy, did they ever smash into it.
The whole front end, engine and all, was smooshed into the driver and passenger’s seats.
I mean, it looked like this woman hit reverse and then FLOORED IT.
Just an amazing amount of damage, considering that they only traveled about 50 yards.
I dunno who’s car it was, but all I know is, is it wasn’t mine, and I felt like I had won some kind of lottery.
I also wasn’t going to wait around for the cops to come, but I sure as hell know that I drove away hoping that they’d arrest these two dinosaurs and take away their licenses and driving privileges for the rest of their short time on Earth.
That’s because this little incident today, even though it thankfully didn’t directly involve me, proved something I’ve been a big proponent of for years now.
And that’s that we’ve got to get The Olds off the road for good.
They’re like human missiles behind the wheel, and they’re as bad, if not worse than drunks and people who text and drive.
Fact is, is in life, growing old comes with advantages and disadvantages.
While retirement, relaxation, and yelling at teenagers may be some of the advantages, a major disadvantage to old age is the slow deterioration of mental and physical attributes of the body.
One guaranteed fact about elderly people is that they are not as attentive and sharp as they once were, and tasks like driving can be more than just challenging, they’re straight up dangerous.
Now, I know I’d never get my wish of enforcing a ban on driving for all elderly people, but, is it REALLY such a bad idea to make The Olds re-take their driver’s test once they become 65 or older?
And by re-taking it, I mean EVERY WEEK.
This way, not only can we ensure that elderly people who need to drive on a daily basis can, but we can also make the roads (and parking lots) safer for everyone.
Oh, by the way? If you need further proof that I’m right about all of this, enjoy these following videos.
photo credit: (c) Purestock/Thinkstock