What Kind Of Nutmegger Are You?
Connecticut has this perception of being waspy, uptight, and uber-rich. I grew up in Hamden, and when I went to work in Fairfield County, it was a culture shock. One day I drove down Route 1 from Whole Foods in Westport to Stew Leonard’s in Norwalk (1.2 miles), and wanted to play a little game. The premise was to count how many newer looking luxury vehicles I’d pass driving on just the opposite side. 53.
This bit by comedian Amy Schumer describes PERFECTLY how I viewed the majority of Fairfield County women when I first had to interact with them:
I mean, there’s a shopping plaza in Darien called GOOD WIVES for Christ’s sake!
Okay, let’s give props to the other, not so frickin’ fancy people that live in CT (like me).
1. The people that work in Fairfield County, but are not crazy wealthy:
a. You sit in traffic down 95 or the Parkway every day for hours because that’s where the jobs are, not necessarily the affordable places to live.
b. You think spending $100 on a work blazer is going overboard, but proud of yourself for making such a great purchase to look the part—just to realize that $100 for an item of clothing is nothing, especially at Mitchell’s in Westport.
c. You don’t understand why people do their normal weekly grocery shopping at Balducci’s or Whole Foods… $8 for organic broccoli?
d. You work, raise your own kids, buy yoga pants at Marshall’s, go out with your friends, make dinner even if that means warming something up in the microwave and you DO NOT understand why Fairfield County moms are walking around in $150 Lululemons while their nannies are trailing behind them with kids in tow.
e. You freak out when they see horses on the beach.
f. You have come to terms with the fact that you will never meet that handsome rich guy that will marry you and give you everything you’ve ever wanted except fidelity.
2. The All American Valley dwellers:
a. You have never left the valley
b. You don’t know that there is vast land outside of the valley
c. You think Oxford is like Hollywood and hate them for it
d. You have never seen a person that’s not white
e. You talk about the Great Flood like it just happened, and it’s the most interesting story you will tell
f. If you make it out alive, you are shunned by your old high school mates and are never allowed back in…which you may be okay with
g. You know how to fix a car…but choose not to
3. New Haven:
a. You are a student.
i. You’re scared. The college brochure didn’t mention that it was located in the most violent cities in US.
ii. You think you’re a thug
iii. You are wasted and wearing a short skirt no tights in the middle of winter waiting in line outside of Bar.
b. You are a professor or doctor and live in a cool loft on Temple and only drink Willoughby’s and eat Miya’s
c. You are from Hamden or North Haven and moved out to the big city so you wouldn’t be considered a townie
d. You own a gun, or know someone that owns a gun
4. Guilford/Branford/Madison/Clinton/Killingworth Shoreline Area:
a. When being compared to Fairfield County, you tell people “at least we’re actually on the ocean, we have real beaches”
b. You think you have the best seafood
c. You love when people think your town is like Dawson’s Creek or Gilmore Girls
d. You hate chains like CVS and Starbucks and think their evil ways ruin small town America
e. You know that Mystic Pizza is the worst
a. Heck no, you’d never live there, but you do have to commute into it for work
b. If you do live there, you’re not reading this because you are in jail