There’s no shortage of things that could potentially make the upcoming Super Bowl in New York/New Jersey a complete an utter disaster, from a grid crippling snowstorm (fingers crossed!) to terrorist threats (how’s that working out for you right now, Winter Games in Sochi?) to scared white people continuing to call Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman every horrible thing they can think of (all while misspelling it) on social media for his post game tirade (which was awesome, and if you disagree, you’re wrong.)
But frankly, none of that can compare to the very thing that’s already happening as I type this. The one thing that will affect the most important part of Super Bowl Sunday, and that’s our collective effort to get fatter by ingesting endless amounts of ooey-gooey, piping hot cheese.
Folks, what you might not know is, is that we’re currently suffering through the “Cheesepocalypse”.
Oh, it’s true!
Millions of Super Bowl parties around the country will likely be affected, and be short on queso following a recall on more than a half million cases of Velveeta products.
A recall, need I remind you, that comes at the heels of a reported shortage of the processed cheese product due to a high demand and a manufacturing lag.
Anyway, if you actually give a shit about the recall, they’re pulling their products from the shelves because the package labels failed to disclose that some of their products may contain soy. Really? That’s why?
Also, the fine folks of Kraft foods know that many chubby, cheese loving Americans could be freaking out with all of this bad news about the “Cheesepocalypse” and took to Tumblr to send a message to their fans thanking them for their support as they experience a shortage of “our nation’s most precious commodity: Liquid Gold.”
Now THAT’S class.