Ladies! Semen is Good for You!
According to a recent survey, women who engage in oral sex are happier because semen is possibly a way to fight depression.
I can only assume that this study was created by a group of horny men that believe that women are stupid enough to believe everything they read.
According to the State University of New York, research showed that seminal fluid has chemicals in it that “elevate mood, increase affection, induce sleep and also contain at least three anti-depressants”. Now ladies, before you go crazy and decide to start lining up guys on the subway to help you feel more “affectionate”, I should also point out that this study was based on 293 college-aged women.
College-aged women. So… women that are single and 20-years-old said they feel good after giving oral? Shocking. These are also the women that still think it’s normal to do body shots off of strangers at the local alternative grunge bar.
In the defense of the study, it does say that semen contains cortisol which is known to increase affection, estrone which can put you in a better mood and oxytocin which is certainly a good time.
The “researchers” also studied the women and gave them questionnaires to fill out while they observed their sex lives. They concluded that the women that had sex more frequently, without a condom, showed less signs of depression. This research (that I still think is fake) was documented in the Archives of Sexual Behavior by researchers Gallup and Burch along with a psychologist named Steven Platek.
Now, because sometimes I fall into the “dumb girl” category and am starting to believe this nonsense, I decided to research further. This same study also goes on to say that women “that have unprotected sex with their partners- and therefore are getting regularly inseminated by them- experience more significant depression on breaking up with these men than those who were not as regularly exposed to an ex’s semen”- STOP. Let me get this right… If you fill a woman up with your precious, depression fighting, superhero semen, she will become your happy little slave… until you dump her- then she will return to depression.
It’s like vampires that need blood. We need your semen.
As if that last piece of information wasn’t enough for you to question the validity of this entire study, it then goes on to state that women that rebound quickly with new sexual partners tend to become happy again quickly.
Oh- So, according to your study of drunk college girls, women are happy when they’re ingesting as much semen as possible in every orifice of their body- but are sad when you stop giving them your magical baby gravy? Right. Well done researchers. Your dumb study is getting a bunch of horny dudes laid tonight… most likely because we can’t find the Ambien and need that melatonin to get some sleep.
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