On a day when a runaway bull in Queens, New York captured the eyes of New Yorkers, Americans, and the Internet, you might think there’s only one cow-related story out there that’s worth reading.
You would be wrong.
Because right here in Connecticut we had a runaway cow story that can go hoof-to-hoof with Queens on any day. Was there aerial footage? No. Were there scenes of people sprinting on foot after the cows? No. Did we capture the full attention of CNN’s newsroom? Probably not.
Nevertheless, Connecticut came to play.
According to a report from WCMH, police officers in Suffield, Connecticut got a report of “two suspicious males going door to door” in town. As it turns out, they were peddling dairy products without a solicitors permit. And they don’t take too kindly to unlicensed solicitors in Suffield. Shortly after responding to the call, Suffield police posted this on Facebook:
“Early this morning officers responded to a complaint of 2 suspicious males going door to door trying to sell dairy products. Officers determined that the 2 individuals did not have a solicitors permit and were apprehended after a short foot pursuit. We would like to remind everyone to NEVER open your doors to any unfamiliar cattle.”
That’s right, Queens. We had two cows. We found a way to literally fake-charge our cows with a crime. And we had professional police officers who “apprehended” the suspects without any aerial assistance.
The one missing component here is actually something we’re usually strong at: Animal puns. If you’re a regular reader here, you’ll know that we often given attention to any Connecticut State Police animal rescue story. We do so both because the animals are adorable and because Connecticut State Police can put together a punny Facebook post like no other. Just take a look at their recent loose dog rescue or their two-birds-in-one-day rescue from last year!
Sadly, Suffield Police weren’t up to the task, which is fine considering they had to spend an afternoon wrangling cattle (which I’m pretty sure isn’t in their job description). New York, on the other hand, had at least one man bring the puns to the party.
Straightforward from here:
1) Cow escapes
2) Cow runs for president
3) Cowstitutional crisis
4) United States of Amoorica
— Eric Levenson (@ejleven) February 21, 2017
Gotta admit that those are pretty good. We’ll call it a draw this time, Queens.