Five years ago, rumors were swirling that Sylvester Stallone was working on a movie that would pull together all of the classic action stars.  I laughed.  If this was 1990, I would have been ALL over it because I would have been nine years old.  At 29 though?  Who cares?

The thought stuck with me.  “How is Stallone going to pull this off?  What is it going to look like?  Who else is going to be in this thing?”  I was hooked.  I was swept up in the pre-pre-pre hype of this would-be hot mess.

Then the cast was released.  Arnold.  Bruce Willis.  Jet Li.  Jason Statham.  Charisma Carpenter.  Good lord.  This is fantasy casting.  The Ocean’s Eleven of actors I loved in high school.

How could I not see this movie?  How could I not be there opening night?  How can you not support the MOTHER of ALL ACTION MOVIES?

I couldn’t not support it.  Now repeat that story two more times as we are on the precipice of Expendables III, which debuts this weekend.

Pun-tastic one-liners.  The return of Wesley Snipes.  Harrison Ford.  Mel Gibson.  Insane action.  A cast of good guys stacking bad guys to the sky.  This is the summer franchise that knocks the books off of other franchises desks in front of their girlfriends.  Testosterone cinema city.

I’m writing this article in line at the box office.

What’s It About: Barney augments his team with new blood for a personal battle: to take down Conrad Stonebanks, the Expendables co-founder and notorious arms trader who is hell bent on wiping out Barney and every single one of his associates.

Should You See It: Kelsey Grammer and Antonio Banderas join the cast.  “Rowdy” Ronda Rousey is going to beat the crap out of everyone on screen.  We might get another scenario where Jason Statham stabs a basketball and tells someone to be careful or, “next time I’ll deflate ALL your balls.”  Yes, you should see this.  The Expendables are the only team in movie history that could take down the Avengers.

Judge For Yourself:

 

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