If You Do These 10 Things at a Restaurant – You’re a Jerk

17 comments, 04/22/2014, by , in EATS, LISTS

I’m a restaurant kid.  My parents have owned restaurants my entire life.  I literally grew up sleeping on pizza boxes in storage closets.  When I was four-year-old, I told my parents I wanted to be a dishwasher when I grew up. They promptly grabbed a crate and had me start washing dishes.  They were always good at making my dreams come true.

Now, three decades later- I no longer want to be a dishwasher.  Actually, I’ve dealt with so much restaurant crap that I if I never work as a server, hostess, chef, floor mopper again- it’ll be too soon.  BUT, as any restaurant kid will tell you- Once your family is in the business, you will always be in the business. Which is why I will get calls on Saturday nights in a panic saying that they need help behind the bar and BOOM!- I’m a bartender.  Or, a server didn’t show up (for the fourth day in a row) and BAM! I’m a server.  It just goes along with the territory.  One of the benefits of being a restaurant kid is that I will never go hungry.  Ever.  Actually, I have personal chefs who will cook anything for me whenever I want.  It’s not a bad perk… but it doesn’t mean that being a restaurant owner isn’t hard.  Mostly because people are jerks.  I can spot a person who has never worked in the restaurant industry a mile away… and for the most part, they can be terrible humans.  I’ve compiled a list and if you have done or plan on doing anything on this list- You are not only a jerk, but should rot in hell… Enjoy!

 

10.  Make up a name, insist you have a reservation, then freak out when you “Can’t believe they lost my reservation!”  You Ma’am (or Sir) are a jerk.

 

9.  Make a reservation for ten people (or a high amount) and not have any idea how many will actually show up.  Then you don’t even seem apologetic when your table of ten (that takes up a fourth of the dining room) turns out to be three adults and one screaming toddler.

 

8.  Even though restaurants spend hours creating special dishes and executing a menu that best showcases what they can prepare- You will make up your own dish.  Thank you for not even opening the menu.

 

7.  Fake wine connoisseurs.  You know who you are.  You ask for a “taste” of every single ‘by the glass’ wine, swirl it around extensively, chug it- then ask for another taste.  You are corny, cheap, and annoying.

 

6.  The table pickers.  These are the folks that stroll around the dining room as though it is their actual home and choose where they want to sit all the while the hostess is gently trying to guide you to your actual table.  I’m sorry you want to sit at a table set for six when there are only two of you- We need that table for a party that is actually made up of… SIX people.

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5.  You don’t tip on booze.  Really? No one poured you that drink?

 

4.  My biggest pet peeve are the patron hostesses.  They are the people who come in to eat, you apologetically tell them it will be a twenty-thirty minute wait and they proceed to walk into the dining room and scrutinize every table and question your statement.  “Why is that table empty and I have to wait?!”- Because you’re not next in line and I don’t have to defend my reasoning to you- Jerk.

 

3.  Nickname bandits.  These are the fools that think it’s okay to call you by a “nickname”.  I’ve been called Sweetie, Honey, Little Lady… and my personal favorite “Food Bringer”- We are people too- and I’m going to bet all of us have names- I will also bet that not one of us is named “Food Bringer”.

 

2.  The people that complain about a “cutting fee”.  A “cutting fee” is the amount a restaurant charges per person when they bring their own dessert- Like a birthday cake.  Although this may seem unfair- We are not in the business of serving you OTHER PEOPLE’S FOOD.  So, sure we’ll stick a candle in it, hell, we’ll even sing (terribly) but you will pay $3 a person for me to serve you you’re cake.  This isn’t your house. We have a mortgage to pay too.

 

1.  The random complainers.  Table one says is too hot.  Table 12 thinks it’s too cold.  Table 16 would like to know if we can turn up the music.  Table 19 thinks the music is too loud.  Table eight was wondering if they could go in the kitchen and meet the chefs.  Table six wants to know why we don’t carry gluten free pasta.  Table 21 thinks we should offer a fat-free salad dressing option.  The people in the bar that have been waiting for 19 minutes want to know why their table isn’t ready when you specifically said 20-30 minutes.

 

Keep in mind, this applies to some restaurant patrons- not all.  There are plenty of great people out there too.  If you are one of those- thank you for being normal.  If you walk into a restaurant twelve minutes after placing your take out order and complain it’s not ready yet, then you fall into that jerk category.

 

image: (c) iStock/Thinkstock

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17 comments

  1. Judy321
    April 22nd, 2014 21:27

    “Get a real job” since when is being a server, bartender not a real job? I worked my ass off as a waitress when my kids were young and they did the same through college and after. It was “real” you bonehead! So easy to trivialize someone’s job like they’re second class. That they’re lucky you walked in the restaurant? That is like saying teachers are lucky people are still having kids to educate or hospitals are lucky that people get sick. Simple f***s. Have a little regard for service workers. Imagine if there were no bars open all weekend no restaurants open no grocery stores mini marts for your whining ASS.

    Reply

  2. russ
    April 22nd, 2014 17:35

    i don’t really think she is whining but its is true about what she is
    saying yes it could have been said in a nicer way ,an not all of us have
    the money to go to collage , but i may add it not just in the food
    industry is all around in every job dealing with the public, people them
    self’s need a class in respect… enough said.

    Reply

  3. Holing cage
    November 25th, 2013 0:52

    I think the couple of responder got the wrong idea. This owner might be calling
    attention to some restaurant bad behavior. She/he is just remarking on the
    experiences life has offered. If this was the topic of conversation in every
    gathering, then this person is someone with limited conversation skills. But to
    post an article or blog on these issues then leaves it alone, unless a return
    jerk of a commenting blogger needs a hand slap, is a great way to explain
    restaurant rule of behavior. Great job original posting person. I’m sure every
    person reading this blog and article have had experiences in their job were they
    would call some people a jerk and you don’t just quit and get a new job every
    time it happens.

    Reply

  4. Whineandcheese
    November 23rd, 2013 17:25

    Being a server sucks, work hard, study harder, get a real job, problem solved. But please stop with the whining.

    Reply

  5. RhondaMH
    November 21st, 2013 13:59

    Dont’ any of you really READ the article? She DOESN’T WORK THERE, she just helps out her parents. She got out when she had the chance. And having been there/done that, it’s hard to keep a smile on your face constantly when you have rude, obnoxious people constantly coming in your doors.

    Reply

  6. sobxDave
    November 21st, 2013 12:56

    Wow!  While I can agree with some of this, you are definitely in the wrong line of work.  Pretty much the first lesson of good serving should be graciousness.  2nd should be patience.  If you can’t master these, well maybe you can find a job where nobody ever ruffles your feathers.  Good luck with that. Oh, another thing – in the SERVICE industry, you should remember that your customers don’t need you – you need them.

    Reply

  7. RhondaMH
    November 21st, 2013 9:45

    Why don’t you tell your next server that, then see what’s mixed in w/your food for being such an asshole.

    Reply

  8. RhondaMH
    November 21st, 2013 9:44

    Obviously, you can’t read. The writer’s PARENTS own the establishment she’s writing about. What are YOU? Don’t tell me…  a rocket scientist!!

    Reply

  9. RhondaMH
    November 21st, 2013 9:43

    GFHF & CA, & even JASON…  stick with drive thru you jerks! They HAVE to add to parties of 6 or more, because of asses like you guys who dont’ tip enough. And if you don’t like the price of a drink — GO ELSEWHERE!!! You OBVIOUSLY can’t afford it, so YOU stay home!! Dont’ take it out on wait staff that has no control over the prices the restaurant sets. That’s just like getting mad at the staff for poorly cooked food. NOT THEIR FAULT. Ya know, you two dont’ even put your names, & it’s cuz you know how stupid you are. I hope your next server hawks right in your food.
     I am assuming you are both men, & God help the women that you are already married to or worse, will marry. I’m sure you expect them to be in the kitchen serving your dumb asses too.
    Ok, I’m done ranting.

    Reply

  10. SusanVanWeisenfluh
    November 20th, 2013 21:06

    Another thing to add:
    When there are half price appetizers after a certain point and people only tip at the half price of the appetizer and not the full price.

    Reply

  11. ca
    November 20th, 2013 18:10

    @gfhf  right on brother

    Reply

  12. ca
    November 20th, 2013 18:10

    when I pay 12 $$$ for one drink I am not going to leave additional monies. maybe YOU should to the JERK CHARGING THOESE PRICES AND ASK HIM/HER FOR A RAISE. Sounds like your not happy in your maybe you should try another field.

    Reply

  13. JasonGuberman
    November 20th, 2013 18:04

    Gratuity added to parties 6 or more.  good, glad its added, because if its great service, then you are not getting more, and if its crappy service, the management will know about it.  I usually tip descent, 15-20%, sometimes more.  But added gratuity is very bad.  To me, it just means the wait staff is horrible.  Not my fault the person before me is a bad tipper.

    Reply

  14. gfhf
    November 20th, 2013 16:41

    When i go out to eat im paying a place to eat , which also pays you to get what i need . Shut the fuck up and go get it allready .

    Reply

  15. RhondaMH
    November 20th, 2013 16:34

    Love it Anna! I’ve been a bartender & server, & I can attest that the jerks will always sit in the dining room. It’s not so bad when a person is easy enough to please sitting at the bar or at least in that area. they dont’ complain about the food as much, they don’t expect you to be at their beck & call when they see you are knee deep in other patrons, & best of all, there are not usually any running, screaming children in that area! (I am one of those that practically carries my empty dish into the kitchen, but I stop myself short at piling everything neatly for the server at least.)

    Reply

  16. Carey Strout
    November 20th, 2013 12:06

    you missed the most important one… people that can not control there children, I’m not your fucking baby sitter leave the little asshole at home

    Reply

  17. Jenn Schere Morandi
    November 20th, 2013 11:56

    Don’t forget the folks who want separate checks, but neglect to mention that until the check’s been prepared and dropped on the table.

    Reply

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