This is something you don’t hear about often… A heroin dealing grandmother! She actually (okay, allegedly) deals drugs with her grandson!
All my grandmother ever did was force me to eat every bit of food on my dinner plate and occasionally slipped me a few extra pieces of chocolate.
Not 65-year-old Elaine Coffey. While my grandmother was baking me biscotti, Elaine was helping her 24-year-old grandson, Nicholas, sell heroin out of their Plainville, Connecticut home. Anonymous tips came in stating there was “an abundance” of traffic in and out of the residential home. Police stopped their car when they were tipped that they had just received a new shipment of heroin. Both Grandma and Little Nicholas were charged for a slew of charges including possession of narcotics with intent to sell.
How does that conversation start?
“Hey Grandma, you know that new walker you’ve been wanting? Well, I know how we can get the money for it.”
“How Little Nicholas?”
“We can sell little packages of magic!”
“Magic? Like that nifty song “Everything Little Thing She Does Is Magic”?”
“Yes Gram! All I need you to do is to act old and senile. If the police come, look really sad. Okay?”
“Yes, Little Nicholas- Now can we go to Friendly’s for their Early Bird Special?”
And how about that mugshot! Have you ever seen a grandmother look so sad? It looks like she should be boarding a cruise ship wearing her “walking shoes” and holding a bucket full of quarters for the on-ship casino. Slots! Maybe she was selling heroin to support her slot machine obsession.
I wonder if Little Nicholas was her favorite grandchild. At one point she must have pondered “Gee, Beautiful Sarah’s going to Harvard… Young Christopher is serving our country in the Navy… but oh, that Little Drug Dealing Nicholas, he’s my boy!”
They were held on a $20,000 bond and are expected back in court on August 4th. I hope she wears her best button down cardigan.