There Really Is A Dating Site For Everybody
Specialized websites for dating are obviously nothing new. From JDate for the chosen ones, to MissTravel (the site for gross old dudes who don’t mind paying for pretty young things to be their “travel companion”) to FarmersOnly.com (I’m guessing for hillbillies or those who love growing stuff) there’s no shortage of niche websites for America’s lonely citizens.
But the specialized dating scene on the Internet took a truly hilarious turn this week, when a site called Glutenfreesingles.com hit the web. Oh, that’s right. There’s now a dating website for the world’s most annoying liars; people with fake allergies to gluten.
Look, before any of you freak shows with Celiac disease leave a comment below, I know, I know. “It’s a real disease” and “it’s difficult to live with” and “you can’t eat gluten or wheat without having to be sent to the hospital.” Ok. You’ve got terrible genetics. I get it. BELIEVE me.
Fact is though, is that this “Anti-Gluten Movement” is nothing more than a bunch of lying hypochondriacs who consider themselves “intolerant to gluten” simply because they’ve heard from their soccer mom friends (or more than likely Oprah or The View) that it’s not good for them, or by removing it from their diet they can lose a lot of weight.
Simply put, it’s nothing more than a trend, and another way for the likes of Nabisco, Kraft and World Wide Wheat to make millions of more dollars by slapping a tag on a box of crackers that screams “IT’S GLUTEN FREE!
Folks, the Gluten Free thing has gotten out of control, and it needs to stop. You can eat pasta. You can eat crackers and cereal. You’ll be just fine, trust me. You wanna know how I know this? Because prior to this hysteria of “I CAN’T EAT GLUTEN!” (which by the way, has only arisen in just the past few years) we were ALL eating pasta and crackers and cereal and other food stuffs with wheat in it. This is nothing more than hype, a different name for the “No-Carb Diet”, and a dumb gimmick for “Big Wheat” to make a few more bucks. You know it, I know it, THE WORLD knows it.
Oh, but no. People are just (figuratively) eating this fad up because it’s the hot new trend, and more than anything people LOVE being annoying and sanctimonious about their diets. ESPECIALLY when they’re going out to eat at a restaurant.
Again, I know. There’s a MINUSCULE amount of people in the world who can’t eat gluten because it’ll actually kill them (let’s hear it for Darwinism!) But everyone else? Liars. At least now though, thanks to the internet, these liars can find true, gluten-free love.
So congratulations you self-deluded, lunatics.
You can now log on to glutenfreesingles.com and find a fellow crackpot just for you, so that you can confirm each other’s wacky biases and hatred of all things bread, and you’ll never have to worry about losing weight by actually, y’know, exercising.
photo credit: (c) iStockphoto/Thinkstock