Weird Scholarships for Every Connecticut Student
There’s a scholarship for every idiot in the universe. I remember when I was in high school I worked really hard as president of my Junior Achievement class. I was up against some dork for President of the Year for the entire city of Stamford. He kept hitting on me and I had little interest in him or his cuff links (loser). Anyway, on the night of the awards he took home the accolade of President of the Year, I took runner up. But here’s the kicker- I won the grand scholarship. I was crushed. I wanted to be the President of the Year. My mentor ran up to me, grabbed my shoulders and yelled “Who cares about the plaque, we got the money!”. He thought I had lost my mind when I told him how upset I was that I had lost to the nerd.
Well, I grew up and guess what? Money talks. Scholarships are the way to get through college without completely ruining your life financially once you graduate. Of course students go crazy their senior year writing all kinds of essays in hopes to snag a few grand to help defray the cost of college tuition. Today I read about a scholarship that sounds right up my alley- A lottery scholarship. Yes, that’s right, as long as you can prove you are a Connecticut resident attending high school, you can simply fill out an online application and have your name entered into a lottery. No writing long complicated essays. No reading any books. Just filling out a simple online entry. CHET Advance Scholarships will distribute 200 scholarships based on this lottery system. Students can score $2,500 for being from Connecticut and attending high school. They literally can’t make it any easier for them.
I had to roll my eyes. Really? No effort whatsoever? Nope. But if you aren’t lucky enough to have your name drawn in a lottery, there are still tons of other ridiculous scholarships you can claim. Here are a few of my favorite:
1. $5,000 for having the best prom outfit made out of duck tape. (Note, the actual companies name is “Duck”- hence Duck Tape. Check out the winners from last year and start figuring out how you can out do them this year.)
2. Hate meat? Sure, you’re a hipster who spends their days googling what PETA is up to- but there’s a scholarship for you too! Students that are vegetarians and promote vegetarianism in their schools are eligible to win $10,000 from an anonymous donor. (Things I learned today: vegetarianism is a real word)
3. Do you want to be a rancher and able to take care of 200 sheep at once? Then I have great news! You can qualify for a scholarship of $1000 from the American Sheep Industry Association. They are looking for students that want to use wool to make clothing too. Lots of variety in this one- fashion wool guru’s and ranchers. Wow.
4. Are you tall? Being over 5’10″ for women and 6’2″ for men qualifies you to write an essay “What being tall means to me”- Every year a winner gets a thousand dollars. This is put out by a social organization called Tall Club International and you guessed it… You can only join if you’re tall.
5. Forget writing an essay, how about reading one? That’s what the American Fire Sprinkler Association wants you to do. You read their short essay about fire safety then answer a ten question quiz to qualify to win their scholarship. $2000 to do a quick Q and A about stop, drop and roll.
6. Psychic powers? Why you just wouldn’t play the right numbers in the lottery I have no idea- but you can win a scholarship for studying parapsychology. You do need to write an essay about your experience with the other side though. You can probably predict if you’ll be the recipient of the scholarship and bother with that whole writing thing.
7. Here’s a scholarship that I should have went for- People that love candy and want to make up new flavors. Get out of here! There’s a college to learn how to do that?! For the record, I would combine a Snickers with a tub of peanut butter then top it with Nutella… freeze the entire concoction for an hour and sell it for $37 a serving. If you are interested in confectionary technology (also a real thing) there’s a scholarship for you too.
At the end of the day, there’s a scholarship for everyone who has an extra couple hours to research on the Internet. Go collect your random money! You don’t know how easy you have it. The Connecticut one is a lottery… A LOTTERY. You’re a fool if you don’t enter.
For the record, I’m still bitter for not winning President of the Year. Runner up is first loser. I would have traded my scholarship for that plaque. Yes, I have problems. I know.
photo credit: (c) iStock/Thinkstock